Year 13 - This topic is what I like most. It is in this stage that I can say...the most difficult part because dealing with an adolescent child is full of headache and heartache for a mother. It is in this stage that you experience mixed emotions on how to deal with your child. I wonder if my father felt the same before when I was this age. Just want to be honest :)
This is the period of life during which a boy becomes a man and a girl, becomes a woman. It embraces the teen-age years, but usually begins earlier in girls, It is in the physical changes of the body that comes emotional changes and problems as the adolescent prepares to play an adult role in life.
Adolescence is usually accompanied by a variety of emotional problems. The child has grown to physical adulthood and wants to be treated as an adult. Once a child who always listen to her mother, now she wants to make her own decisions that makes her perspective with her parents change. She may become her mother's worst critic, a once a small boy, he is now always in conflict with his father. The parents wonder where they went wrong.
Realizing our past when we are adolescent and had the same emotions with our children now is a big help. "History repeats itself" as the saying goes :)
Before I begin with my tips, please bear with me while I relate first my own experience with my daughter, how I manage to cope up with her emotions that made me come up with the right way of adjusting myself to her behavior.
I was not with my daughter after the day of her13th birthday. I left for Philippines for some important things to do. Unexpectedly, I stayed there for more than a year and came back here in Brunei that her age is approaching to her 14th year. While I was in the Philippines. she "seldom" communicate with me. If I ask her something thru phone or thru a social website, she replied with a short and very simple answer. Her change started my headache...and my heartache :) I still gave her the benefit of the doubt that "maybe" she feels bad because of my long absence. She used to be so close to me, we always exchange conversation, ideas and happy together even sometimes we have disagreements but can immediately be pacified.
I love my daughter so much that it really hurts the change of her behavior. When I came back she was very happy, but only for a while. She is always with her phone and her laptop. We seldom talk. One time she brought her laptop with her and while I was driving she was busy with her laptop which made me so upset because I felt that I don't exist and being insulted. I gave her a heavy remark by saying "nowadays, because of technology (wrong use), people look stupid being with somebody but seems not to exist because of gadgets that preferred to be attended rather than to human". She immediately closed her laptop and just kept quiet without saying any word. The more that I got angry and since I'm driving I just need to control myself. It will be more worse if accident happens.
Falling for somebody or better be called "infatuation" at her age is normal. But as a mother who is scared that it might affect her studies is not normal :) I tried to let her feel that I understand her but it seems that at that time, what she only knew was her feelings. I taught then that I already reach the point of my limits. I want to bring back our used to be happy relationship as mother and daughter but the gap between us can't now be ignored. I carefully taught of a way how I am going to deal with her...not by punishing or scolding but by diplomacy. It's not really easy. I pray to God in tears and ask for HIS Guidance to give me the enlightenment and wisdom that I need in order to settle my problem with the situation. God is my only way. I love my daughter so much and I believed and always believe that HE is the only ONE who can give me the wisdom that I need to deal with the situation and solve the problem. And the problem solved...Praise God.
She will be 16 this November. We are both happy and she is now what she used to be...so loving and sweet daughter. There was never a day that she forget to say "I love my mama soooooo much." and "My mama is the best mother in the world" countless times everyday and always with hugs and kisses. Praises that is more than a music to my ears.
Tips: When you are in the same situation, don't let your emotions overcome you. Forget your feelings and your status for awhile as a mother. Instead, part of showing your love for your child is to sacrifice your emotions for her good sake. After all, this is your role as a mother. Deal with your child in a friendly way. Tell her that you are her "best friend" before anybody else. Tell her that you are ready to listen to everything that she says...everything, whether it is about love, studies, problems with her friends...anything and everything.
If she is happy telling you stories about her happenings at school or anything that makes her happy, listen to her attentively and let her feel that her happiness is your happiness too. If she have disappointments with the result of her studies, for as long as you can see that she is doing her best, comfort her and give her moral support.
Tell her that the right way of guiding her will be her guide to pass on to her child when she is already at that stage. Make your own research about the reality of life and pass on to her so when time comes that she has a problem or trials will come her way, she will know what to do instead of doing another mistake to solve a mistake. The process of teaching your child until she becomes adult or even having her own family never ends. That is the real role of parents. Our responsibility to our children never ends and it will continue until our last breath. By doing so, we will leave this world with complete happiness because the returns of our good deeds to our children is respect and never ending love from them which surpasses all the material things in this world that we can't bring with us to our final destiny. If we teach them the right way, they will pass on to their generation because we, as parents is the model and the real teacher of our children. This is your real achievement and great success in life...to fulfill your obligation to your child as a foundation to a community and a nation.
Thank you folks for your patience in reading my lengthy post regarding this subject that I divide in 3 parts and I hope my little tips can contribute some help for your child to listen to you. God Bless us all.
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